"Friends"

I have very few friends. But what is a friend? Well, I mean it in a very broad sense. There are dozens of people that I would call a “friend” but there are very few that I would say are in my closest inner circle. The reason is because I keep people at a distance. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s because spending all that time in the closet has retarded my social skills or if my personality is akin to sulfuric acid or if I really am picky over whom I attach myself to. I suspect that it’s probably one part each.

If there is one thing that though that I do not tolerate at all levels of my relationships is the lack of reciprocity. When I get the feeling that I’m doing most of the work trying to make a friendship continue, I will eventually drop the other person. A good friend of mine has virtually stopped all communication with me and after years (and that should indicate how close she was to me) of me trying to get her to participate, I’ve quit. Done. Now I’m not saying that I’ve kicked her out of my life. The door is still open to her but I’m not going to put myself out there for her anymore. It’s been like that for a few blog buddies too. It hurts but I’ve had to cut the strings.

I recognize that not all relationships last. I want to say with complete conviction that it’s okay but deep down, I do regret having to let all those people go. I constantly wonder if there was something about me or if it was something I’ve done. And I’ve got to remind myself that losing interests and gaining new ones is natural and that I can not hold that against them.

A simple hello. I look forward to those new ones.