Dreaming of Dying

I don't know about the rest of you but I have recurring dreams of a variety of sorts. Most of them, I have no idea what they represent. But then there are the death dreams. Until last night there were only three senarios and only one where I actually am experiencing the action. The first is dying in a war. The second is dying in a car crash. The third was being stabbed. The first and second happen on a fairly regular basis maybe once every odd year. Also in those two, I'm witnessing it from a third person point of view. The stabbing incident happened only once but unlike the others, I felt it and saw it through my eyes. I was being stabbed multiple times. Everytime the blade went into my body, i felt my muscles around it cramp up. A while after I had that dream, a lady who had been stabbed mulitple times described how it felt to be stabbed. Like in my dream, she said that the muscles around the knife wound cramp up. I have always wondered how real my dream was.

Then last night, I dreamt that I was being executed by lethal injection. I suspect that this was based on my experience with surgery a few weeks ago but anyways... I was strapped onto the gurney. For some reason I was calm. I remembered that I had commited mass murder and that I diserved what was coming to me. Despite my crimes, I knew that I would soon be in heaven soon. I was sorry for what I had did but there was a lingering doubt as to whether God would forgive me. Did I have enough faith for these last moments? I kept thinking that I did. The gurney was slowly propped upright so that I was standing. The medic was being to prepare my injection that would go into the IV that was already in my arm. And as he did so I began to panick. No! I don't want to die! Although I was about to shout it out at the top of my lungs, I kept my composure until the injection was finished. This was it. There was no going back. I had heard stories about some of the condemed having their injections improperly administered. The paralyzer would take affect, but the barbituate that was supposed to knock them out didn't work. In effect, they would feel sheer pain as their muscles freeze up, their breathing stopped, and their heart paralyzed. All the while, they wouldn't be able to scream out. For a few seconds I thought that that would be my fate as I could feel myself being paralyzed. In another few seconds I knew that I would feel pain and I prayed and chanted over and over in my head, "God have mercy on me. God have mercy on me. God have mercy on me." I began to lose conciousness. Throughout my body, it felt like fresh water was being pumped through allowing my to be cooled down. God must have heard my plea that he would allow me to go without pain. It was at this moment that I woke up... and the process of my muscles relaxing was still taking place.

I wonder if death will be like that. If so, then I don't think I am so affraid of it anymore.