Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Boy Problems

Can someone explain to me why I have boy problems when I’m not even dating them?

In short, I believe a guy has a serious crush on me. This guy is someone I knew from high school. We are acquainted with one another but we aren’t friends. I got a message from him the other night on facebook and we had a chat. He extended an invite to have dinner with him and his roommates some time in the future. Just to be sure, I wanted to be clear that this was just a friendly dinner and not a date and he kind of blew it off basically saying, “yes, of course.”

Since then he has broken up with his boyfriend and last night I got these text messages from him:

On my way home. I Have been thinking about u.

I Want to cook u dinner. And its going to be soon baby.

Then later around midnight he messages me:

I wanted to say GOOD NIGHT sweetie.

Seriously, I do not know how you can read that any other way. There have been other messages from him but let’s just get to the point: I have a boy problem. I think that no matter what I do, I’m going to come off as an asshole as I try to tell him that I am not interested.


Kapitano said...

Sounds like he's looking for someone to transfer his affections to, and you were just in the right place at the right time.

You've got no reason to listen to my thoughts over anyone else's so I'm just tossing them your way as suggestions.

I think he needs to be let down gently but firmly, and that can't be done properly over the phone or the net. Accept the dinner non-date, and at the table tell him you want to be straightforward with each other and there'll be no recriminations, ask him just what his feelings or hopes are about you, and if they're romantic, tell him you're just not interested in anyone that way - but if he wants to talk about the breakup, you'll listen. Something like that.

You may need to say it all several times, because it's probably something he doesn't want to hear.

If after all that he still comes on to you, then he's got a serious psychological problem which unfortunately you can do nothing to help - except possibly by cutting off communications.

Kristel said...

I wish there was a like button for Kapitano's post. :)

Stacey said...


john said...

I don't think you will come off as an asshole. You simply aren't interested.

I think that sometimes those nicknames are overused---"baby, sweetie". Find out exactly what he means by them. I have a friend that calls me "sweetie" all the time and will occasionally text that "I was just thinking about you, what are you up to".

Just have that conversation with him, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you. You may just find out that he wanted a friend--and you happen to be it.

David said...

Kap, I took your advice as well as stole your line. An email is being sent shortly. This matter is now closed.

...I hope.