Saturday, August 02, 2008

I'm on the red side of the friend wheel.

Kraig and Stacey are back from out west. I went their party that they held last night. I’d like to say that I had a great time but that would be stretching it a bit. BUT, I’m glad that I did go because I was happy to see Kraig and Stacey again. My trouble was connecting with the other people that were there. It was something that was not lost on Kraig for he did mention it to me. I knew some of these people in high school and now it was awkward for me. I’ve “changed” since the last time we were together and so have they. It felt like I was with strangers who were impersonating people I knew from my past.

I don’t know why it was different for me to reconnect with some others like Kraig and Season a few years back. Perhaps it was Kraig’s friendly and disarming personality. Maybe it was Season’s acceptance. All I can say was that it was weird.

I suppose the big part of the awkwardness—at least on my part—comes from me being gay. I’ve only come out to a few people. (By the way, for people thinking about coming out to a few friends and then asking them to keep it a secret—good luck on that.) After my sister, it seemed a bit ridiculous to have to tell people that I am gay. To do that for everyone that I know would be exhausting. From what I believe, Kraig found out through Stacey, who heard me make a comment in passing.

So now that the cat’s outta the bag, I don’t know who it has rubbed against. I don’t know how far this information has traveled. No one has said anything. So we all go on without knowing or, in fact, knowing exactly what we aren’t speaking to each other easily.

Bah. It’s probably all in my head.

2 comments:

Sooo-this-is-me said...

The first people I told, I knew I could count on not telling if I asked, and they came through for me. Once I started telling others however it was surprising that the ones I thought would blab, stayed quiet and some I thought would stay quiet told, so you never know how people will react. So far though it has almost all been good.

Stacey said...

hey david! i'm sorry that I didnt comment but i was away from the computer for 2 weeks! anyways.. a couple of things.. I was glad to see you at the party.. and I am sorry that it was not fun for you. i could tell that it wasn't.. and I'm sorry but I just got a little bit too drunk otherwise I would have chatted more- you would have had fun if you would have slip-n-slided! we were still glad to see you though- anyways, i know what you mean about the old galien crowd. I like having you as a friend because you are smart and you aren't pregnant.. the only way to truly hang out with them sometimes... is to be intoxicated! don't get me wrong.. i like them, but a lot of them are still stuck in high school.. and you have moved away from that. anyways, I have been meaning to tell you for awhile. i am sorry that I told kraig that you were gay. you're right- i guessed by a comment that you said.. and then one day he was making fun of gay people in front of you.. and i knew he wouldn't say things like that if he knew..so I told him- he said he wouldn't tell anyone else.. but he is a chatty kathy without trying to be.. so I do not know the consequences of that. anyways.... you can come visit us anytime on any of our travel assignments! we do lots of different things.. and we could show you a good time! peace out... i still feel bad about the party- i know it was not fun for erin or carrie and their significant others too