I don't know what I feel.

<<--See Also: I Feel Nothing

We got a phone call a few hours ago from my Aunt Lolita. My Nanay (maternal grandmother) died. I was hoping for a few more years. I wanted to go back there for my first vacation on my own. Now I won’t go back and see her. My last living link that keeps a part of my heart in that country is now gone. To be quite frank, the only family that I have left from my mother’s side is my Aunt Connie and her two kids who live in Illinois and my Aunt Lolita who lives in Arkansas.

I’m not sure what exactly I am feeling right now. I feel some sorrow over it but I’m not surprised or anything. She was an old lady and I knew her time was getting short. The last time I saw her, I made sure to remember as much as I could because it may have been the last time I saw her alive. It turned out true.

Other than Nanay’s death, I don’t know much else. My Aunt Connie won’t be able to make the trip back and I’m not sure about my Aunt Lolita. Dad asked me if I would be interested in going to represent the family. Yes. No hesitation. Although, I would feel guilty about leaving the store in the middle of Christmas season. Travel time is a minimum five days. Two days to get there. One day for the funeral. Two days back. When the funeral would be, I don’t know either. Could be two weeks from now for all I know. It depends on how long the other relatives there choose to keep the body.

San Fernando, La Union

This is the house and neighborhood where I spent some time growing up. Nanay lived in that brick house.

Sorry to cut this short but when I'm more in the mood, I'll try to do a better post.