Yes, I work here.

A free moment at K-mart

“Do you work here?” I think that has to be one of the most common and moronic questions that people in retail have to constantly hear. It’s even worse when you have to work for a large retail store and have to wear those smocks or vests and name tags that are meant to identify you as a worker. So last night, I had two people ask me that question. I just had to bite my lip. Because I wanted to say, “Nope, I just wear this vest and name tag for fun.” Or maybe, “Nope, I’m just planning to buy this pallet of diapers and stuff it all into my sedan.” Then I would close it up with Bill Engvall’s, “Here’s your sign.” Seriously, those kind of people need the “I am stupid,” sign.

Granted, working in retail, one should expect to have to deal with people who are few bricks shy. But I’m not working on the sales floor. I don’t show my face onto the sales floor until 9pm and then it is only for moments at a time. I’m pulling pallets of merchandise out to the floor and dropping them in their respective departments. I’m only out there for a few minutes at a time. I would have hoped that me lugging a mountain of crap around the store would signal to people that I don’t work sales. But the biggest signal should be the sign that says, “Receiving” right below my name. Does it say “Sporting Goods?” Does it say “Electronics?” Apparently these people are still not that bright. I’m sorry, but I have no idea where you can find binders specifically made for magazines. I can point you to a pile of boxes where it would be however.

And one final thing that really gets my pissed. It probably shouldn’t, but I hate having people address me by my first name. The store requires me to wear a name tag with my actual name. When people come up to me and say, “David,” I shudder. I’m not their friend. I’m not even their acquaintance. I don’t know their name. I would go even as far as to say that it wasn’t polite. When asking an associate a question, it is never necessary to use a name. Just say sir or ma’am.