Eating Dust

Last night Sara and I took a look at a house that our friend, Chris, recently bought. Sara also brought along her new son, Ethan. I’m always glad to meet up with old classmates. Usually I have a great time with them. This time, I came home unsettled. I felt like I was being left behind.

I used to have benchmarks by when I when I was to have achieved certain things. Graduate at 22. Find a woman by 25. Marriage by 27. Kids by 29. Somewhere in there, I would have landed a great job and bought a house. Now, I feel like I’m on indefinite hold. My friends are getting married, having kids, and now buying homes and I have yet to experience my first real kiss.

I’m not giving myself a whole pity party just yet. Since I finally admitted that I was gay, I’ve experienced a whole new set of emotions. Most of it is excitement and anticipation. I can get into a relationship without guilt of basing it all on a lie. Maybe I’m a little too much of a romantic but I want to get that right.

Since February 26, 2005, I’ve stopped to catch my breath. I’m still trying to evaluate what I want in life and how I can achieve that. I think it’s time I at least got moving. Sure things didn’t turn out the way I planed. The dream isn’t gone. I’m just looking at it with a better perspective.

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